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Humans are energy. Everything that goes into us comes out in some form of energy; strength, force, work, and more power intake. We humans are finely-tuned machines that can intake and output insane amounts of energy, when the right levers pulled and switches flipped.

Recently, health craziness has swept up our home, the USA. Every Joe Blow who sits in an office all day feels that they must do something to improve their body, even if there’s going to be no practical use for it. The kind of warped thinking that goes into this includes, "Hey, I need rock-hard abs! Then it'll be easy to get a girlfriend! Nevermind I should be working on my conversational and social skills."

So now everyone is pumping money into things that will help them get into shape. Home fitness machines and health clubs are enjoying unheard of success. Gift certificates to these fitness centers are common gifts, since everyone wants to be in better shape.

These fitness center buildings are quite special things. Just imagine if all the energy that's exerted in these places were something you could see, like green jelly. This green jelly energy would literally be filling up the entire building, seeing as how much energy is put out in these buildings! Stationary bikes, aerobic classes, Bow Tie Taebo, jogging, weight lifting. All these require mad amounts of energy, profuse sweating, and physical exertion.

Unfortunately, all of this energy is just being expended into inanimate objects. You say you just got back from stationary biking for an hour? Wow, you sweated, some metal parts in a beige-walled room moved, and you got to write a "60" into your chart underneath the column for "minutes exercised." What an accomplishment.

Not that I have anything wrong with that. Sure, getting in shape is great, and I think everyone should be in good physical shape (read: not muscle-bound maniacs) .

However, it's what you do with that machine of a body that's yours, not just have one. Having a $70,000 Dodge Viper is great, but if it just sits in your garage and you never get to enjoy it, I find it pointless to own. Same thing with your body: you say you can bench press 200 pounds? Congratulations. Have you gone and helped out a labor union anytime recently? No? Wow, go you.

I would like to submit for your approval a new year's resolution: stop doing things to your body, and start doing things with your body. Doing stuff to just improve your own body is selfish; why not expend that energy into something useful? As cruel as that may sound, it's true. If you really can bench press 200 pounds, why not go out and spend a little time outside doing something that will actually have an impact on something else other than that weighty metal pipe that's moving up and down.

Here's my idea for all North Dakotans who live in a city. For the first couple of weekends of 2000 (since most people don't carry out their resolution past February) , take a number out of the phone book from some random city that's somewhat close to you, and make sure the address is a rural route. This can pretty much guarantee you'll be phoning a farm.

When you call up the farm, simply ask for Mr. TheirLastName. Tell them you want to start making use of yourself rather than stroll through the path of life not affecting anything around you. Tell them you want to stop hypothesizing, and start doing. Or, if you don't want such fancy language, just say you wanna milk a cow! As long as you don't sound like a disgruntled sheep shearer, they'll probably be more than happy to have an extra hand around the farm!

Of course, I just talked about one stone in the vast ocean of things you could do to better the world with a good body. And remember, you don't need to have a good body to start doing these things; if you may have have forgotten already, these things will help you get a great body! That farmer's daughter may be a little interested in you, too...

Questions? Thoughts? Concerns? Dinner and a movie? Contact us.
Karl Becker, the author of all these articles, uses New Tricks for his writings.

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... Humans are energy. Everything that goes into ...

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