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We teenagers are a rare breed. The eating habits border on the animalistic. (“Watch now as the teenager eats an entire pizza, all by itself, and still hungers for more.”) Their bodies seem like something out of a horror movie. (“The hair will grow here...These things will stick out way too far...This will become grotesquely huge!”) And their behavior is so out-of-the-ordinary, a whole series of National Geographic magazines could be written about them!

To really figure out what makes teenagers tick, you really have to go straight to the source. None of this fussing around with psychologists, child-specialists, or Toys ‘R Us. No, you have to go straight to the source for dirt on teens, which would be, of course, a non-biased individual such as myself. Heh heh...So, of course, I’ll try to point out some of the finer points of teenage behavioral patterns.

There are so many different kinds of teens out there. There may be the incredibly up-tight, goody two shoes over here. Then there could be the bad-postured, definition of a slacker guy right over there. Somehow, these two teens will end up crossing paths, and will probably somehow be involved in something. Whether it simply be a friendly exchange of words, or an actual physical encounter (a.k.a. fist fight) , they’ll be drawn towards each other with the inopressible force of the universe.

Related to this theory is the tendency of kids drawn to confrontation. Kids of all ages (even adults!) gather from everywhere to watch a fight. They love to talk about how mean a particular authority figure is. And they especially love to criticize fellow schoolmates when the chance arises. Although that is not a good thing, it


The opposite gender brings out lots of hardship, anxiety, and ruthlessness in adolescents. Although you may have already known this, some of the old standby rules don’t apply as much anymore. There isn’t as much fighting going on to win over a girl/guy (hereby referred to as companion) as there probably was earlier in time.

Standing around after school to see Jim-Bob-Joe and Roy-Boy-Brown fight over Little-Woozie-Suzie just doesn’t happen too much. Nowadays, there are a bunch of quietly-said things that get around to Jim-Bob and Roy-Boy in a timely fashion (usually in the course of a few school periods) , there’s an exchange of words between Jim-Joe and Roy-Brown, and then Little-Woozie decides she likes neither of them for bickering like that and starts companioning with Silly-Frilly-Billy.

When the opposite genders talk, there are usually a lot of things that aren’t said to the opposite gender that would’ve been easily spoken to the same gender. Let’s say a girl and a guy are sitting in class and there’s a quiet moment. The boy may try to find some words to say, not seem to find anything appropriate for the moment, and decide to shut up. The girl may just let the moment fly by, not thinking anything, or sit there waiting for someone to think of something to say.

Now, if this would’ve been two guys sitting at the table, the situation would’ve been very different. Coarse, vulgar jokes may have been muttered, with the appropriate chuckling afterwards. They may talk about Monday night’s football game with great awe for the players on field. Or they may just say something totally out of the blue, such as, “Why don’t animals ever dress themselves?”

Two girls at the table would’ve also made the situation much more comfortable. One may mention the companionship between Frilly-Billy and and Suzie-Woozie. Or they may mention what they’re doing after school. They also may say something random like, “Ever wonder why we smell bad when we exercise? We’re doing something good, so why should we be forced to smell like that?”

What I’m really trying to say is that the teen years are hard. So many things can and will go wrong, it seems as though Murphy’s law was made up just for us. For all of the teenagers out there, believe me, it’ll get better! Just keep trying, and you’ll make it through whatever hardship is pressing against you. And for the adults who have somehow managed to get by these peculiar years, remember to let yourself reach out to any kid, young or old, who’s in need. Sometimes just a little cheering up and support is all a kid needs to help him/her get through the day. Everyone’s in this together, so if you can make this world a nicer place, do so!

Now, I could go on and on about more material related to teenagers and their strange behavior in the wild, but for now I’ll let the topic rest. Instead, I need to go over to Roy-Brown’s house…I hear that he and Silly-Billy are gonna fight tomorrow by the oak trees!

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Karl Becker, the author of all these articles, uses New Tricks for his writings.

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... We teenagers are a rare breed. The eating hab...

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