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Hello, and welcome to "Ask Doc Karl" Today, Doc Karl will try to answer all the pressing questions about the human condition. My name is Mr. Becker, and Iíll be asking Karl the questions. We have a whole slew of questions for the good doc, so letís get right down to it!

Mr. Becker (MB) : Hereís a pretty big question that has been asked many times over the course of history, doc. Why do people cry at weddings?

Doc Karl (DK) : Ah, a very good question! There are two categories I like to split wedding attendees into: children under four years old, and everyone whoís older. First, for why adults cry at weddings: They are all holding in yawns!

MB: What?

DK: Yes, holding in yawns. Go ahead, try to yawn right now, but still keep your mouth closed. Your eyes water a little bit, donít they? For people attending a standard wedding service, yawning happens quite regularly. So therefore, it appears that people are crying, when actually itís just their eyes watering.

MB: Interesting. How about for the other group you mentioned, kids under four years old?

DK: Isnít the answer obvious? Babies are born with a natural, irrepressible instinct about knowing when something important is about to happen. Therefore, when these babies sense that something important is going on, a baby feels it is necessary to notify those around them. They will do this by crying out.

MB: I see. An interesting hypothesis you have, Karl.

DK: Thank you. I like to think Iím the smartest person in the field of ďdoc-ism.Ē

MB: Donít you mean the profession of doctors? As in people with doctoral degrees?

DK: Ummm... do you have another question for me?

MB: Uh...I do, yes. I was told you have some thoughts on the inside of doctors offices. Elaborate on that, will you?

DK: I do have ideas on medical doctor offices, yes. I have always wondered why it is the norm for medical doctors to hang posters of horrible diseases on the walls of their examination rooms. If someone is in there, that patient already has a disease, and he or she probably doesnít want to see pictures of, say, the next four stages of whatís happening inside their nose.

MB: Well, that seems to make sense...

DK: For instance, I recently was inside an exam room, and I saw a picture of a small child who had roseola, a disease where you get a red rash all over your body. Apparently this picture was supposed to show kids what they had. Of course, if a child sees that, theyíll immediately ask whomever is with them, ďIs that what I have?!Ē When their escort answers yes, the kid will start squirming all around, scratching themselves in a hopeless attempt to 'get the red stuff off.'

MB: A profound thought, I'm sure. My next question refers to something that has been in the news quite a bit recently: school starting times. Do you think schools are starting too early?

DK: Oooh, yes, I do! To be totally serious, I truly believe that schools are starting much, much too early during the day. To take an example from here in Bismarck, Bismarck High School starts its first class at 7:45 AM. I'm sorry, but this is inexcusable from the view I come from. Many jobs that adults work at don't require a worker to be there that early!

MB: So you would be in favor of moving the time in the morning school starts to later on?

DK: I believe I would be, yes. However, this topic has been discussed many times before, and there are always problems associated with starting school later in the day. Usually it deals with complications resulting in activities with other schools. Most notably of these complications is sports. Starting school, say, an hour later would make sports practices go even later into the night. However, I think if thousands of students' educations are being sacrificed so that a group of fifty-some players can "win the big game," I think a horrible injustice is being done.

MB: A very interesting viewpoint, indeed, doctor...

DK: Please, it's "Doc."

MB: Ah, yes, right, Doc. Anything else you'd like to say?

DK: Just one thing: inside jokes are hilarious to the people inside, but they royally anger people on the outside. Just a thought!

MB: Thank you very much for your time, Doc Karl.





At the end of my interview with the Doc, he mentioned that I should take everything he said with a grain of the element 'Na.' Iím not sure what he meant, but I would advise everyone reading this article to do the same.


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