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Are Access Hollywood and Entertainment Tonight really this good of shows? You should see the ratings these shows are getting. They’re sickening! Although nowhere near the popularity of, say, "Frands" or “Fraysher,” these two shows grab a large amount of viewers, even when put up against such contenders as the evening news.

Of course, you probably wonder how I can write an article on these silly shows which are solely based on the lives of celebrities. Well, I believe I’ve just answered that question. It’s amazing how much the average person in America is interested in the lives of the world’s rich and famous. I don’t see that one show with Robin Leech on anymore...

Seriously, though, America sure has some weird kind of obsession with celebrities. Do I want to know what Tom Cruise does in his spare time while not filming movies? Does anyone really want to know what Meatloaf spices his dinner with? And is the population of the country so bored that the question “whatever happened to that Webster guy” eats away at our consciences constantly?

Apparently a good number of Americans want to know the answers to these flaming quandaries. Why? One can only poke at the many answers to this strange situation our country is in. My theory? Some people are so darn bored, and have so few things to care or worry about, they're trying to find the amazingness in boring day-to-day life. Since their own lives seem quite lackluster, they turn to the people who entertain them on tv and movie screens, hoping they'll entertain in their personal lives, as well.

However, this is quite a nasty assumption for these bored Americans to make. Celebrities, believe it or not, have tedious, boring lives, too. Some people would point out things such as, "Look! They get to go to big parties, like the Oscars and the Emmys! They must do such amazing things there!" Well, to let me be the bearer of bad news, let me say this: these amazing shows are no much bigger to celebrities than a block party or big picnic is to us "regular" folk.

Heck, let's temporarily say the above statement isn't true. Let's say celebrities are as awe struck as Mr. Raymond-Famous is about an after-Emmys party. The unfortunate reality is, once one gets there, it won't be all that different from, say, a wedding reception. There are lots of people, lots of good-looking women all trying to get some poor sucker to trust them, some little "fancy" food trays, and that's about all. Sure, there are plenty of celebrities, and meeting them for the first few times must be quite a thrill. However, I'm sure one would get tired of saying, "Wow! You're Raymond-Famous! I'm so glad to meet you, you can't believe how your movies changed my life, blah blah blah, yackity-schmackity!" You know that Mr. So-And-So must get tired of hearing the same spiel over and over.

And don't forget what happens after most huge parties, Emmy night included: nasty regrets about the night before. From the common, "I drank too much," to the few, "Man, I really shouldn't have stood near that bathroom so long," there will be plenty of bad spots in such strange nights as the ones celebrities are "privileged" enough to live through.

So we've dispelled the notion that celebrities are any more entertaining than most people's. So apparently the entire world, Pierce Brosnan and Sean Connery included, is living one boring, long string of days connected with just a thread of spontaneousness.


Look at all the amazing things one does during the course of a day. Heck, I'll go as far as to say that, from the get-go, a typical day for most adults (and even students) is as exciting as a typical day in a James Bond (or Charlie's Angels, for the ladies) movie. Pretend that you work for some nameless company that has typical office cubicles, and the following is a typical workday (which it probably is for many people reading this) .

You get up at the crack of dawn, sometimes even when it's still dark out, to venture to your battlefield that is the city. As you espy the lay of the land from a window in your stronghold, you decide your plan of action for the day. Once you get outfitted with your necessary arsenal of gadgets, you suavely step out into the cold world, you being one of the few human oases of liveliness.

Once you fasten yourself into your chariot, you steer it into the waves of paved travel, to perform a dance among the other carriages that's as graceful as a swan soaring about a still pond. Once you maneuver into a spot at your operative center, you quickly climb into your outpost. You undergo technical changes to the problem you were dealing with yesterday, before you left for a quaint cafe as you felt yesterday draw to a close.

Once you've successfully accomplished the specifics of the project, you race back into your loyal chariot to grab sustenance from a nearby market. After relaxing in the warmth and levity of your location, you take off back to your citadel of operations. After completing another smaller amount of action, you head for home. As you notice many happenings dotting the surrounding landscape, you safely secure yourself back in your stronghold. You rest and relax in your abode, preparing your self and spirit for the next step of your mystic trek.

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Karl Becker, the author of all these articles, uses New Tricks for his writings.

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... Are Access Hollywood and Entertainment Tonight...

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