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ATTN–Frederic Smith

Getting Started


Written by KARL BECKER

“Why hello there boy! What’cha got there? What’s that? An Apple PowerWatch? Me oh my, look at that! A whole computer on yer wrist! I’ll be darned, we never had stuff like that back when I was a young sprat! Those were the days, when it was nice and simple. You bought an Apple IIGS for an alternative to typing on the electric typewriter. Once in awhile you played a game of Tetris er somethin’ on it. And TVs were over a foot deep. Boy, those were the good ol’ days…”

Just think, that’s what you could be saying to your grandchildren when you get older. Hmmm, grandparents. Smart people, aren’t they? What’s great about them is that they aren’t like your parents. They usually don’t have to get angry at you. The thing is that they always like you, no matter what, and even when you’re being bad, they still usually try to act like they don’t mind it. So in this way you don’t ever really dislike them, you just like them no matter what. They’re usually just as happy to see you as you are to see them, and then they usually reward you for doing even the littlest of things!

“Ummm, Ray my boy, could you get me that remote control?”

“Sure gwandpaw!”

“Thanks boy. Go have a cookie. Heck, go have two.” By the time you’ve left your grandparents’ house that day, you’ll have eaten half a box of Oreos! But that’s just who they are, and that’s fine by me!

But being an actual grandparent is still a long ways off, isn’t it? For those of you who said, “No, actually it isn’t,” then this article should help you out. Now, in no particular order I am going to name five things that can make a grandparent well liked.

Number 1-Always have plenty of pop in the house. Shasta, though not a big name brand Coke or Pepsi, has plenty of flavors and is cheap. And if I might name six flavors that go over well, I’d have to say a Mello Yellow type drink, Cherry, Strawberry, Lemon-lime, Root Beer–always have root beer–, and a regular flavor, possibly just a 24 pack of Coke. One more note-if your grandchildren are really antsy and are young, make sure you get caffeine-free stuff or be prepared to have some whining kids when it’s time to go to bed!

Number 2-Have, at the least, two TVs. If you have a very big family, you might want to have three or four TVs. There will always be the group of husbands that want to watch the big game on Thanksgiving, and then there’s usually gonna be the wives that will want to watch some romantic movie as well. Oh yes, that’s another thing. Make sure you have a VCR for one of the televisions. You’re gonna need it some day, trust me. And don’t put a TV in a bedroom unless it’s your own bedroom because you’ll have a bunch of people all wanting to sleep in that room (children especially) .

Number 3-Be careful with your dentures. If you have dentures, either keep them in your mouth or put them in a place where the grandchildren won’t find them. Not that they would abuse them, but they’ll get the stuff scared out of their pants if they see your teeth sitting in a glass in the bathroom. Also, if you leave them somewhere in a cup overnight, somebody might just happen to walk in when it’s dark, think that’s where they put their cup, fill it with water, put it to their lips and…”AAAAA!” Be careful where you put your Dentucreme, too. Do not put it in with the other toothpaste or else be prepared to see the grandchildren brushing their teeth with it.

Number 4-Have a really big table around which eight to ten people can sit. This means there’s plenty of room for everybody. The arguing people can sit and yell all they want at one end, and the crocheters can sit and crochet at the other end all at the same time. Plus, if it’s not too long of a table, you can throw a crochet hook at the arguing people if they get too loud. Also, be sure to have a few decks of playing cards laying around. And make sure the full deck is there, too. Most people like humiliating their relatives with a little game of Pinochle, and then there’s always that special time in life when your uncle teaches you how to play Poker, and turns you to a life of gambling ruin. But that’s for later on in life.

Number 5-Have some kind of weird, but fun, game that nobody else seems to have at their house. Usually an old game from the farm will do quite nicely, because many kids haven’t played old games too much. Operation is always a good one, and that electronic, vibrating football is always good for a laugh. That’ll keep them busy. “Look, Pete, my guy is running down the field with the ball all by himself! All your guys have gotten scared and ran to the sides of the field! HA HA!”

So there you have it. My article on grandparents. I’d be willing to bet money if you follow my advice you will be a well-liked grandparent. And if these things don’t work well for you, just feed the kids good food and they’ll be happy.

Questions? Thoughts? Concerns? Dinner and a movie? Contact us.
Karl Becker, the author of all these articles, uses New Tricks for his writings.

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...ATTN–Frederic Smith Getting Started 4/14/97 Writt...

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